procrastination
Dec 24
a guide to uk cities for foreign people
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manchester:
gays. you will probably get mugged.
-
liverpool:
like manchester, but less gay. you will definitely get mugged.
-
newcastle:
probably quite good for canadians as exists in permafrost and has never left the 90s.
-
leeds:
it's a lot cheaper than london
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bradford:
leeds but awful
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nottingham:
gun death capital of the uk!
-
derby:
intense rivalry with nottingham, literally no one else in the country or world gives any f*cks about this.
-
hull:
violently resist anyone who attempts to take you here
-
leicester:
i'm not sure this is a real place
-
york:
this is an illustration from the top of a christmas biscuit assortment
-
birmingham:
NO.
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brighton & hove:
more gays. is only a pretend city. mild to moderate chance of mugging. contains some deeply annoying hippies. basically if san francisco was british.
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portsmouth:
there is literally nothing here.
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southampton:
exactly the same as portsmouth but smells of off milk
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bristol:
you have a 1 in 10 chance of ending up in a bbc recording. everyone sounds like a farmer or bob marley.
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cardiff:
you have a 1 in 5 chance of ending up in a bbc recording, and a 1 in 3 chance of being glassed.
-
plymouth:
post apocalyptic wind tunnel full of drunk sailors pissing on depressed hookers. do not enter.
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penzance:
everyone here is from london now.
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london:
no one from london is actually from london and even breathing is expensive.
-
cambridge:
windy and full of equal amounts of homeless drug addicts and public schoolboys. the junkies are nicer.
-
oxford:
same number of c***s as cambridge but easier to escape from due to all-night bus to london
-
edinburgh:
a goth turned into a city. basically london but slightly more scottish.
-
glasgow:
it is impossible to tell whether people are angry or happy.
-
aberdeen:
las vegas at the point when vegas starts crying uncontrollably
-
belfast:
do not order "an irish car bomb" OR "a black and tan" here.
-
wolverhampton:
really, really don't.
-
norwich:
count people's fingers. mutations walk here.
-
coventry:
like plymouth, bombed flat in ww2. like plymouth, failed to take the hint. like plymouth: do not alight here.
-
wells:
so tiny and filled with country bumpkins that it got used as the setting for the VILLAGE in hot fuzz. there is also a suspiciously low crime rate...
-
worcester:
a blend between pretty tudor houses, ugly 60s buildings, forests, and sauce.
Nov 28

London by night
Nov 26

(Source: dashingfoxx, via fuckyeahfoxfriends)

(Source: dianakentavr, via fuckyeahfoxfriends)

ikilledlaurapalmer:
New Hampshire Red Fox
(via fuckyeahfoxfriends)
Nov 25

Punchie wanted in on some photo action… I’m weird and should go to sleep #tattoo #teacup #ladybug #idiot
Nov 22

All in all, today has not been to shabby…
Nov 21

This would be Ideal!
Nov 12

???

🐺 Fuck yeah!